Confession of my heart

 

Confession of my heart

Sometimes I see you

Present in the Eucharist 

And do nothing

My heart does not respond to your presence 

And I wonder

And my mind forgets

And my heart falters

Is this my God?

And I sit

Cross legged before the King of Kings

Drowsy, daydreaming

Changing positions to be comfortable 

Forgetting or setting aside reverence

In my moment of doubt

And sometimes it’s a long moment

Minutes stretch to hours

I yawn during mass

And receive my God

But feel nothing

And I wonder at my complacency

How can this be?

The All-Powerful Triune God

Rests on my tongue

And is received by His own creation 

How can this be?

And how can I sit unresponsive?

And in my frustration 

I forget

I forget a thousand moments of intimacy 

I forget moments of grace on a rainy day

I forget healings and prophecies

I forget words springing unbidden to my lips

I forget peace settling deep in my soul

I forget consolations on the darkest nights

I forget joy lasting through the longest day

I forget hearts changing in response to love

I forget words that pierced me to the heart

I forget love that taught me to forgive

I forget patience that came not from me

I forget love that stopped my fearful thoughts

And I forget a voice calling out

I AM HERE come to me

    and the irresistible pull of His desire for me that overcame every 

    obstacle to encounter my heart, and allowing me to receive Him, 

    transformed me body, soul, and spirit.

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